Ash Wednesday

You can’t really miss Ash Wednesday here in NYC. It surprises me to see so many people walking around all day with black ashes smudged on their foreheads. I honestly had never personally seen this done until I moved here. Thankfully, before I moved here, Kelli had told me about her embarrassing experience with her co-worker who practiced that tradition...otherwise, I probably wouldn't have even known that people actually still practice this ritual. If I hadn’t heard Kelli’s story, I might have put my own foot in my mouth last year when I first saw someone with ashes on their forehead. You can’t help but think about the ashes here when you see them on about every-other person and I kept wondering on Wednesday why they did it and if they really meant what it symbolizes.

I started participating in lent about 7(?) years ago…giving something up each year. I was working with a girl at the time, Ellen, who had grown up in a Catholic family, but had made the decision to go to non-denom Christian churches after moving to Dallas. She chose to keep some of the traditions Catholics generally participate in and lent was one of them. When she explained her reasoning behind keeping that particular tradition, I thought it sounded like a good idea and jumped on board. I can’t remember if it was that first year or the next year that I gave up shopping for Lent. I didn’t buy a single piece of clothing or a pair of shoes for the entire season….and through that I realized how I really didn’t need most of the things I bought anyway. My sacrifice ended up lasting for almost 6 months and I have never been nearly as big of a shopper since then. It was a good thing for me. The problem back then is that most of my “sacrifices” for lent tended to be selfish in reason…I gave up clothes to save money, gave up dessert to lose weight, gave up TV because I was spending too much of my time on it. All of these things were good things to give up and had good intentions behind them, but I didn’t truly have the spirit of lent behind my sacrifices. I’ve been trying to learn the last couple of years how to make this season more meaningful. I now go to a church that really encourages participation in Lent and yesterday I went to my very first Ash Wednesday service…we didn’t do the ashes as we, in general, don’t believe that the outward marking is necessary, but it’s the inward personal repentance and mourning that matters, but it was a nice time of reflective scripture reading, prayer, and communion. I also was reminded of why Lent is a good practice….it also helps that our sermon series this month is on Idolatry, which I think fits in well with the practices of Lent. Anyway, here’s some things I’m learning and trying to keep in mind this year:

* First and foremost, it’s not about me, it’s about Him. It’s hard to remember that and to keep my focus in the right place and to truly understand what that means.

* My sacrifices should be a reminder of what Christ gave up for me on the cross. When I really want what I’ve given up, I should be reminded that He gave up everything for me.

* What I gave up or how well I stick with it isn’t going to save me or redeem me in God’s eyes….He took care of that on the Cross. But, it could lead me into a closer relationship with Him, a deeper trust in Him, a deeper understanding of Him, a greater spirit of rejoicing in Him, etc….

* Lent isn’t just about sacrifice, it’s also supposed to be a period of prayer, scripture reading, and giving. The giving part is totally new to me and I’m still trying to figure out how to incorporate that this year.

* I should replace my sacrifices with things that are good. If my sacrifice opens up some time, I should use that time to help others or dig into the Bible. If it frees up money, I should give that to a good cause. If I’m doing a food fast, when I feel hunger pains, I should be reminded that I have all I need in Him. I should turn to Him during all these times in prayer.

* I learned about 3 years ago that during Lent, one day each week (typically Sunday) is supposed to be a "feast" day. Prior to that, I gave up my "thing" for the entire 6.5 weeks. After that, I got excited and viewed that extra day as a relief day or a cheat day or a day to look forward to each week. One of our pastors said something last night that struck me and I'm still processing, but he said you should really celebrate on those days. He said that they are meant to be a complete contrast to the other 6 days of the week. Six days a week you are mourning the death of Christ and your sinful nature and on the 7th day you are rejoicing in His resurrection and His merciful salvation and restoration!

I may not be spot- on in all those bullets above….I’m clearly learning as I go, but that’s sort of my understanding of lent today.

Any of you who are still reading at this point are probably just curious about what I've given up this year! Well, first, I'm giving up my home computer. Not entirely...I can still email as needed and I can use it for practical purposes like getting directions or checking my bank account. I'll still update my blog, but it may not be as timely. I tend to spend a lot of unnecessary time on my computer....I use it for everything....I watch TV on it, listen to music on it, and mostly, I read and read and read on it (newspapers, tabloid blogs, tons of people's blogs...anything I can find that I'm interested in). I feel like I can't live with out it at times and spend way too much time on it some days....that in itself makes it a good sacrifice to make (and also relates back to the idolatry thing I mentioned earlier). It may sound silly, but yes, I think my computer may be an idol in my life. So, instead of spending hours each week reading meaningless crap on my computer, I'll try to spend more time in prayer, read some Christian books I've been wanting to get around to, and figure out a way to use the time to help someone else. Of course, I'll still read YOUR blogs, but it'll just have to be on my Days of Feasting (or possibly at work during lunch...I'm not ruling out using my computer at work as I don't generally abuse it there).

The other thing I'm trying to do this lenten season is a food fast one day a week. I think this is a good spiritual discipline any time of the year and although I'm not sure that the reasoning behind it has fully gone from my head to my heart, hopefully it will get there over time….as my friend, Michelle, always used to say, “you can’t always feel your way into acting, sometimes you have act your way into feeling”! Thursday was my first day of fasting and, as odd as it may sound, I actually enjoyed it...it just felt right and reminded me to pray through out the day. Bring on the Diet Red Bull!